Wednesday, 20 December 2017

Blogmas #20 | I'm Scared of Christmas

Hey Spookies! With Christmas fast approaching, it’s so easy to feel like you must be festive and fun all day every day. It probably seems like everyone else is, but that’s far from the reality for so many people. Some things about Christmas totally terrify me and send me into a mental spin, so here we are, chatting about it.

Christmas is a truly wonderful time of year, but it comes with such a lot of pressure and added stresses. Suddenly there’s social events and shopping to do and plans to make and money to spend and everything can add up to one big headache. It makes sense that even the most mentally healthy of us would feel the strain. I suffer with anxiety and depression, and I’m not ashamed to say that the festive season has been difficult.

I spend a lot of time worrying about waking up on Christmas day and it being a ‘bad day’. Depression doesn’t take a holiday, and there’s a very real chance I could wake up on Christmas morning with no desire to get out of bed or speak to anyone or do anything Christmassy at all. I absolutely adore Christmas, and I’d hate to spend it in a numb daze instead of being present and enjoying it. What if I bring everyone else down? What if I seem ungrateful? What if I end up sleeping most of the day away? Being anxious about being depressed, and then feeling frustrated and depressed as a result can be a vicious trap that’s hard to escape.

The other thing that I find hard is the constant comparison. Everyone else seems happy and to be finding it so easy, so why not me? With the new year encroaching, what have I achieved? Everyone else seems to have done so much, and here I am, stuck in my own head. Great. It’s so easy to look to others and shame yourself for not doing everything they have done. I spend so much time and energy belittling myself for not living up to my vision of other people. All I can do is try to convince myself that I’ll put all my energy into a better 2018.

This post seems like a load of whining and complaining (it kind of is), but my aim is to point out that no-one is alone. I know I can’t possibly be the only person feeling this way, no matter how much my mind tells me that I am. You’re not, either. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious or depressed, please please talk to someone. Pop me a message, talk to a friend you trust, speak to your GP if you need to. It’s okay to not be okay, even at Christmas. There will be someone there to listen to you and support you when you’re ready to talk. 


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  1. All I can say is that I hope you prove yourself wrong, that you do enjoy your day. But remember that in the grand scheme, it is just a day, and the right people will understand if it's a bad one. The pressure to perform and be positive is horrible, so try taking breaks throughout the day to be with your thoughts and have a moment of calm xx

    1. Lydia you're a real-life angel. Thank you for this xxx